It is said that the first step to conquering an addiction is admitting it. This has taken me some time to do, but after all these years I have finally come clean with myself and admitted to myself that I do have an addiction. I knew it all along, but it is getting out of hand and I know I really need to take the steps toward recovery and seek some professional help.

 When I was a bit younger it was only something I would do here and there. It was mainly a social thing, but once in a while I found myself buying and taking the stuff home where I would sit in my basement room and use all night. It was heaven, but as time went on it got to be too much to handle.

 I kicked the habit after I saw I had a problem, but like all addictions, it is too easy to slide back into it. For years I was only using here and there. The end of October seemed to be the worse time. I couldn’t get enough and I even found myself stealing from my niece and nephews so I could get my fix. The guilt was unbearable.

 I really have had it under control for a long time, but last week was the turning point. I was at my parent’s house after they all took me out for my birthday dinner and the urge to use struck me like a bolt of lightning. I walked into the living room where my mother was sitting and I asked a question that has probably changed my life forever. I asked my mother, “Where are the gumballs?” The next thing I knew my mother, bless her heart, was handing me a 5 pound tub and told me, “Take these home because I can’t stop when I start”. I knew the feeling, but I was too selfish to worry about her addiction, I grabbed the tub and opened it up. Inside the tub were gumballs, many many gumballs. Red, orange, blue, purple, yellow, green and some that were different shade of the same. I knew what I was about to do was wrong, but I brought them home anyway.