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Through the years we all learn little life lessons, but many times we
forget the lesson and end up hurting ourselves or others, making the
same mistakes, lose sleep over silly things or just take minutes off
our lives by stressing needlessly. There are some “rules” that I try to
live by when I take the time to think of them and applying the “rules”
has made me a happier person and has made my life much easier to live.
One rule is that story of the man who whined because he had no shoes
until he saw the man with no feet. I use this one a lot. No matter how
bad you think you have it, chances are very high that someone has it
worse than you do at that time. It’s ok to feel sorry for yourself,
it’s only natural, but let it go quick. Don’t hold on to self pity too
long because you are wasting time that could be spent making things
better.
If I start feeling like I have it bad, I think of
people like the Holocaust survivors or parents who are sitting by their
child’s hospital bed while the child is dying from cancer and then my
whining over a breakup or losing my tickets to a football game becomes
embarrassing.
Another one of my thoughts of self-help is to never jump to conclusions unless you know the facts.
When
I was 18 or 19 I was working in a factory. One woman that worked with
us didn’t show up for a few days and one morning some idiot supervisor
told the woman’s nephew “You tell your aunt to get her ass in here or
she is fired”. He said it in front of the whole crew and I know he felt
like a big man at the time.
That night after work the woman’s
nephew went to her house to find out what was up and found his aunt
shot execution style next to her bed and her 6 year old son shot in the
head on their couch. Her boyfriend had done it. When I heard about it
the next day, all I could think about is that ass of a supervisor, and
they way he acted like such an asshole the day before.
A lot
of us are quick to jump to a conclusion before thinking that there
might just be a legitimate explanation than a person doing what they
are doing just to piss us off. Even on the road I give the benefit of
doubt to other drivers. Yeah, it is really a pain to be cut off, but
maybe that person just got back from their mother’s funeral, or on
their way home from the doctor’s office after finding out they have a
life threatening illness. Who knows? For a few seconds of frustration,
I just usually shake it off and continue on my way. There is no point
in getting pissed and flipping the person off. It isn’t usually worth
the stress.
One other thing that I keep in mind is to remember
that we all have egos and we need to keep them in check and not let
them control our life.
The ego is something we all are born
with and many times we let it dictate our happiness or our pain. It
comes down to “I want”. I want this, I want that, I want her to like
me, I want him to treat me with respect, I want to eat at a restaurant
in peace with no kids running around, I want people to move out of my
way when I am on the road and so on.
My father used to tell me
“The world doesn’t spin around your ass Johnnie”. Obviously it didn’t
but like any other child I wanted things my way. It’s nice to make
yourself the center of your universe, but it is silly to expect
everyone else live in your universe.
The ego wants to satisfy
itself by any means necessary and will make us do stupid things to get
that satisfaction. The most prevalent I see are romantic relationships.
Man, I have seen some stupid stuff. For some reason a lot of people
think the NEED to have a partner so they spend way too much time trying
to get one.
This could actually be a whole other discussion,
but what drives people to spend so much time, effort and even money to
seek out a relationship? What would drive a woman to put her life in
danger and her children in danger to be with a man who she knew was
physically abusive before they marry, but marry him anyway? Then be
surprised when he abuses her? Or what would drive a man to leave his
wife and children for another woman and then be surprised when that
woman cheats on him with another married man?
Anyway, it is
the ego and it is something that I try to remind myself every time I
feel the need to want. Desire is like a drug and the addiction is much
easier because you don’t need to search for desire, it is already
inside you. But it can cause as much and sometimes even more damage to
your life than a drug addiction.
One quick one is, it doesn't
matter how much information you know, it's knowing where to find that
information that matters more. Keeping too much crap inside your brain
is fine, but life is a lot more easier if you just know where to find
the information you need rather than taking up too much time trying to
soak it all in. That is obviously not something that many will agree
with, but it is something I use because it has made my life easier.
Those are a few of my personal thoughts that help me keep my life
flowing in a more enjoyable way. There are a few more, but I have
written a book here
Of course I am close
to being human so I obviously keep making mistakes, but I have made
less than I use to when I was younger. Life is really easy to do, all
you have to do is breathe, and that's a no brainer. But sometimes you
have to deal and dealing is what gets us into trouble. | | |
| I don’t have many thoughts this morning. I am really sleepy
today and I am trying to keep my eyes open here at work. Thinking is not a
priority right now as I am too tired to think, but I have to struggle with it
so I can get my work done by tomorrow.
How does one get
motivated to get motivated? I have so many projects I have started that are in
mid completion, but now I can’t get up the energy to do anything. I still haven’t
completed setting up the studio, The Arrogant Bastards haven’t work on the “Seeds”
CD in months, Echo Grove has at least a new CD to be recorded and songs I have
for that CD aren’t all finished.
On top of that I have
many things that need to be done to my pad. Yeah, I said pad. I have become a
lazy sod. Well, I don’t know about “become”. I think that has always been in
me, but I made the effort to at least do some things I thought might be fun. I
have fun once in a while these days, but not as much as I used to when I was a
wee lad of a teenager. I’m not depressed or anything like that, I just feel too
lazy to smile.
Of course I did
motivate myself to get to the doctor to get an operation, and that is on Tues.
I am looking forward to it not because I will feel better after the surgery,
but because they tell me I need to take it easy for a while. Whoo, hoo… a legitimate
excuse to not do anything. Sad, I know, but completely legal.
I am figuring that
soon enough my energy will pick back up and then I will dive head first into
all the unfinished projects I have on my plate and maybe even create some new
ones. I am still thinking of doing the “documentary” of Echo Grove on video, I
have ideas on some new musical ventures that might be interesting, I also want
to get all my previous demos and recordings put into some proper order and make
a collection in case people might want to listen to some of the crap I have
done for the last 30 years.
Oh well, it seems to
be the same as it was before when it wasn’t any different. It’s just that right
now isn’t tomorrow yet, so I’ll start getting motivated tomorrow. | | |
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It is said that the
first step to conquering an addiction is admitting it. This has taken me some
time to do, but after all these years I have finally come clean with myself and
admitted to myself that I do have an addiction. I knew it all along, but it is
getting out of hand and I know I really need to take the steps toward recovery
and seek some professional help.
When I was a bit
younger it was only something I would do here and there. It was mainly a social
thing, but once in a while I found myself buying and taking the stuff home
where I would sit in my basement room and use all night. It was heaven, but as
time went on it got to be too much to handle.
I kicked the habit
after I saw I had a problem, but like all addictions, it is too easy to slide
back into it. For years I was only using here and there. The end of October
seemed to be the worse time. I couldn’t get enough and I even found myself
stealing from my niece and nephews so I could get my fix. The guilt was unbearable.
I really have had it
under control for a long time, but last week was the turning point. I was at my
parent’s house after they all took me out for my birthday dinner and the urge
to use struck me like a bolt of lightning. I walked into the living room where
my mother was sitting and I asked a question that has probably changed my life
forever. I asked my mother, “Where are the gumballs?” The next thing I knew my
mother, bless her heart, was handing me a 5 pound tub and told me, “Take these
home because I can’t stop when I start”. I knew the feeling, but I was too
selfish to worry about her addiction, I grabbed the tub and opened it up.
Inside the tub were gumballs, many many gumballs. Red, orange, blue, purple,
yellow, green and some that were different shade of the same. I knew what I was
about to do was wrong, but I brought them home anyway.
So here I sit,
with the tub of gumballs at my feet. I want them to last, but that is easier
said than done. I need to quit, but I just can’t. I need to face this head on,
but I will just have to wait until my tub of gumballs is empty. This monkey on
my back is something I don’t need right now, but hell, you only live once and if I
go out, I’m going to go out chewing gum and blowing bubbles. | | |
| It's been a long time. Unfortunately I have trashed my previous writings,
so I have no idea where I left off. I have had a habit of trashing things
without thinking and then trying to remember what I threw out. Oh well,
such is the life I choose.
Things happen and they don't. I really don't know what I could say here
that would be interesting to anyone, but I guess it doesn't hurt just
to rattle off a few thoughts like you would shake snow off your pant leg
as you walk into the house. It leaves a bit of wetness, but it will soon
be forgotten.
It's been quite a while since I have felt any creative thoughts moving
around up there, but it seems to have been coming along for a while now.
My 'art" to me is always like a long lost friend. Once in a while
you lose touch, but when you meet up again it's like things haven't changed.
You know what I mean, I know you do.
Speaking of friends, and long lost types, I have to share some thoughts.
I have some friends. I have some I have known forever, some who are my
family and some that I keep in my thoughts as wonderful people who have
crossed my life and taught me at least something along the way. Many of
my friends (I believe) are people I have traveled with through most of
my existence. I also believe that some of them that I have met here for
only a short time have come from the same place. All people you meet in
life should be regarded as a learning experience. I think that everyone
should be treated with the same respect you would treat your dearest friend.
Sure, you might not know them for long, but a few minutes can change a
whole life.
Some people think friendship is meant to be something that means more
than it does. A lot of women I have met think friendship means sex and
marriage. I don't know, maybe they have read too many books or met some
shitty people in their life. I have been accused of thinking I think I
think too much and some have accused me of living in La-la land. I have
discovered that this is not true at all. Most people I have met mindfuck
themselves over silly things and let the real important things slip through
their fingers like shit through a tin can.
Relationships, relationships, blah blah blah. Happiness isn't found
in somebody who digs you. That is as much of a band-aid as….well,
a band-aid. The band-aid doesn't heal you, you heal yourself. The plastic
sticker with the padding just covers up the boo-boo until you heal your
own body so other crap doesn't hurt you more. Yeah, it's a cliché'
but it is true and a lot of people still don't get it, someone can dig
you until the cows come home, but until you dig yourself, it means shit.
Take care and I'll talk to ya soon. | | |
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